When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
