So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
