its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
birth control should be required to get into college
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
