i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
