I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Who died my cat blue again?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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