I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
