I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
