The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
