Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
