At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize