I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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