Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
