I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
