No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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