I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can you bring me the toilet please
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
