I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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