hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize