You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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