Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
