8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
