Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
