I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
