it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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