i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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