If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
