listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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