i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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