I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
