So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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