there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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