ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
