Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
