Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
