It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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