Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
