There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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