So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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