the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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