I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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