I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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