I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
