help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
