i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
