Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
