I wish my penis had an off switch
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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