Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize