apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm way too hungover for life right now
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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