Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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