Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
