Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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