I wannas sexs uuuuu
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
