tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
