I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Randomize
