I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
birth control should be required to get into college
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
