I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
