I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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