i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
