my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize