I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
