the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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