Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
