i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
