just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
