Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
