Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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