Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
