is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
