Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
