How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
