omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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